Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is a type of talking therapy that helps individuals identify and change unhealthy thinking and behavior patterns. It focuses on current problems and equips people with practical skills to manage challenges.

Does it mean I'm weak or have failed if I want or need coaching?

Seeking coaching is a sign of strength, not weakness. Just like athletes benefit from coaches, personal coaching helps you overcome challenges and thrive.

Do I have to talk about my past?

You have the freedom to choose what you share. In CBT, we primarily focus on current attitudes and beliefs related to present or recurring events. However, if revisiting past experiences would be beneficial, we can explore that too.

How long do sessions go for?

Regular sessions usually last up to 50 minutes. I also offer double sessions which can help super-charge the efficiency of coaching.

From "Must" to "Prefer": How Tech Professionals Can Find Mental Freedom

10 April 2025

A photos of a country track with a path visible in the headges

“Holy crap, I can actually CHOOSE how I feel about this?”

That’s the gist of what a client blurted out during one of those needle-scratching-across-record breakthrough moments.

Their exact words: “It’s nice to realise that I have a choice which I didn’t realise I had - I can choose a different attitude which means I no longer have to live like this.”

Feel like your brain’s been hijacked every time your boss gives “feedback”? Spoiler alert: You’re not the only one with mental hostage negotiations happening.

The REAL reason criticism at work makes you want to crawl under your desk and die

When that Slack message pings with “can we chat about your work?” or your manager starts a sentence with “I noticed…” - what’s actually making you break into cold sweats?

Plot twist: It’s rarely about the feedback itself.

It’s those little dictators in your head with their absolutely-must-follow commands:

“I MUST be bloody perfect at my job."
"I MUST never make mistakes, or everyone will know I’m a fraud."
"I MUST have everyone’s approval, or I’m basically worthless.”

Sound familiar? Those little tyrants are making your life miserable.

The mental jiu-jitsu move that changes everything

REBT (Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy, the original form of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy - I’ve trained in both) has one genius trick up its sleeve.

It’s like finding out there’s a secret setting in your brain’s control panel that’s been set to “torment me” your entire life.

The breakthrough comes when you flip those rigid DEMANDS into flexible PREFERENCES.

Here’s how it works (and why most positive thinking advice fails miserably):

Instead of just saying “I want to do well” (which doesn’t actually change anything), you explicitly acknowledge you can live without the thing:

“I’d PREFER to do well, but I don’t HAVE TO perform perfectly to be okay."
"I’d LIKE praise, but it’s not NECESSARY that everyone approves of me."
"I WANT this project to succeed, but it’s not the END OF THE WORLD if it doesn’t.”

This isn’t wishy-washy positive thinking rubbish—it’s neurologically rewiring your brain to stop treating preferences as life-or-death demands.

”Wait, you mean I’ve been doing this to MYSELF?”

The most mind-blowing part? You’ve been creating your own suffering this whole time.

It’s like discovering you’ve been wearing shoes three sizes too small for years, and wondering why walking hurts.

When you convert demands into preferences while clearly negating the absolute requirement, you suddenly discover a freedom that’s been there the whole time—hiding behind your self-made prison walls.